Re-dedicating yourself over and over to a goal... Feeling the fear and doubts and not succumbing to it... Reaching deep down inside to connect with the part of you that is not going to roll over and play dead. In High School, I played left back (defense) for my school field hockey team. My job was to defend our goal, back up our forwards and mid-field players. I was committed to our team. I believed in us and I had faith that we would play to the best of our ability and have fun in the process. We did. Occasionally, the other team got past me and the other defender and I would feel like throwing my hockey stick after them to hit the ball and them away from the goal. I wanted to, but I didn't. What I did do, was to re-visit my commitment to defend to the best of my ability... to give it my all. At the end, win or lose, when I gave it my all, I felt proud. Now, 30 years later, I am involved in different games of life. I want to be a good mother, a good person. I want to practise the spiritual principles and the Avatar tools that I know, to be the kind of person that my Higher Self calls me to be. There are days when I have my dips and I don't feel like trying anymore. I can feel what it would feel like to quit, to bale on myself and that fighting spirit in me re-ignites. I know where I have been. I don't want to go back there. Too much darkness and struggle. I have a good taste of what is possible... what lies ahead.. and I want it! I want it badly enough to push past my "stuff". I want it enough to do whatever it takes to get myself out of that hole and keep moving forward. |
